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I'm not really one to make new year's resolutions, but in the past few weeks I've thought about some things I'd like to try this year. Or at least in the next few months - let's be realistic...
One of my non-resolutions is that I try to take better care of myself. I think this is something we all should remember, actually... It started as a promise to myself to cook more. I actually like cooking and baking, but was a bit shocked to realize I haven't eaten many home cooked meals in the past year. It began with working hours which seemed to leave no room for cooking (well, I also had only 10 minute breaks, not really enough time to heat and enjoy a decent meal), and after I've moved I've just eaten at the university cafeteria most days, and felt too knackered in the evening to cook more than boil water for instant porridge (which I like). The sorry state of my so-called kitchen doesn't encourage me a bit. So, cooking more, and hopefully, eating more healthily will be my goal. I'll have to make some new friends to invite over for dinner, as I'm always more inspired to cook if I don't have to eat alone.
After making the cooking resolution I thought I might as well do something for my general well-being (the healthy food would help here, of course). I've promised myself to tackle my sleeping issues, which go a way back - maybe I'm not meant to spend my life tired all the time, after all - and other, long neglected issues as well. I feel a bit self centered saying this, and unsure of whether said things are important enough for seeking help. But I hope all that will make me less self centered, in a way: a better friend, a better listener, more open to my friends and less deep in my little no-sleep universe (lack of sleep really does make me socially disabled).
I think my cooking skills would be miraculously refound if I had the apron in the photo, designed by a Finnish designer Tiia Vanhatapio for Artek. Though that apron surely has to be worn with some sexy high-heeled peep toes....
photo from fashionFINLAND.com
I found this badge in Helsinki a while ago. It says something like the title to this post and ...that's me. In addition to being very good at procrastinating, I've got a really bad memory. So bad it terrifies me to think what I'll be like, say, 40 years from now, when I'm over 60. On the other hand, I can always blame not sleeping well as the reason for my short term memory loss (and it indeed is far worse when I sleep too little - how do you cope at all, mothers with little kids?).
We have winter now! Yesterday it was a lovely day, sunny and frosty, and today it snowed! Not much, but it's like everything's coated with icing sugar. And it's not so dark with snow all over. I better finish knitting the woolly hat I started on Sunday.
Another good thing, I now have working internet connection! First I put off getting one, and then it didn't work, but thanks to a girl in my speaking practice class, with I managed to make it happen without having to go back to the shop. Yay! It really makes things easier, and no more late nights spent at the university's computer centre.
A week ago I got a (long overdue) haircut. As usual I let my hairdresser do mostly what she wanted - otherwise I think I`d always have the same cut. This time I only told her about the fringe I`d been thinking about, and she worked from there.
BEFORE:
And I love it! I even love the failed dye job. My hair was meant to be a dark chocolate brown, not strong coffee blackish brown, but either the hairdresser mixed the dye wrong or we just chatted for too long when I had the dye in my hair... Anyway, I wouldn`t have dared to choose the colour myself but like it a lot.
AFTER:
It`s funny how a new haircut makes you feel like you could be someone else for a while (or at least it makes me feel that way - maybe I`m a bit silly). I think that my hair could belong to someone way cooler than I am, maybe a dj who has tattoos and draws a comic. Now I totally don`t know where that came from, but either way, new hair makes me feel somehow new altogether for a few days. Yes, I`m that shallow.
My friend J was at hairdresser`s (another hairdresser) at the exact same time as I - no, we didn`t plan it. Afterwards we met for a coffee and gushed over each other`s hair. I think J`s hair is pretty cool too, too bad I didn`t take a photo of him too! I think we should`ve gone out to show off our new hairdos, but alas we were too tired and stayed at home watching a movie. Still I think my hair deserves to go out soon... How about a night out, Helsinki peeps?
(Sorry about the photos - I took them myself in bad light and hurry.)
me in June 1984 - the bows make me think of Russian girls
26 random things about me...
1. I`ve had long (and I mean long) hair for the most of my life. Now I`ve had short hair for about six months and can`t remember what it was like being a long haired girl.
2. I dressed more maturely ten years ago than now.
3. I usually wear a skirt. If not, jeans are the trousers of my choice.
4. I don`t own many black clothes. Personally I don`t see black as a colour that goes with every other colour.
5. I learned to read at the age of five.
6. Nowadays I don`t read as much as I`d like to.
7. I don`t know what to think about horoscopes, but the older I get the more Leo I see in me. I don`t always like that.
8. When I turned 18 I decided to learn to like coffee because grown-up people drink coffee.
9. I love coffee.
10. I`ve only lived in two towns and three apartments in my life.
11. At a time I seriously thought I`d want be a biologist. Sometimes I still do.
12. My day-dream job (=not realistic at all) would be a graphic designer.
13. I used to scoff at people who spent lots of time online.
14. I very seldom go to bed before midnight. But even if I do, it`s still hard for me to get up before eight (and it was even when I did it every school day).
15. I`d like to have a dog. We did have one when I was growing up.
16. I worked part-time selling shoes for almost five years
17. I was a shy and precocious kid.
18. Everyone of my grandparents has passed away ten or more years ago.
19. I`ve known my oldest friend for 20 years.
20. I was born in the afternoon.
21. I`ve never smoked a cigarette.
22. I`m a feminist (of course, that can mean so many things...).
23. My middle name is Maria. I think every other girl I know has Maria as middle name.
24. I have a driver`s licence but I`m afraid to drive.
25. I have a tendency to worry about both past and future. I`d like to learn more of a carpe diem attitude.
26. My favourite drink is G&T.
me 6 days before turning 26 - photobooth photos for my student`s card (i don`t think i look like that...)
Today`s my last day at work. Then it`s bye-bye shoe shop, hello vacation! Starting tomorrow I`ll have about five weeks to do just what I please (including getting a new apartment, taking care of a bunch of stuff you need to do when you move, packing, and actually moving).
On one hand I feel like I could`ve continued working for a couple more weeks. Even though the work itself didn`t feel that satisfying (I worked in another shoe shop before this for years), the people I worked with were mostly nice. Some of them really nice, in fact. And I could use the money for sure - in fact I spent yesterday second-guessing my decision to quit this long before my studies begin.
In reality (and I`m trying to assure myself) I do need this vacation. I feel like the summer has flown by without me noticing and been really stressed out. I`ve been feeling poorly for a while for no obvious reason and I honestly can`t remember the last time I woke up and didn`t feel tired. So I`m telling myself it`s okay to take some time off even if I do miss some of the 'girls' in the shop already. Why is it so hard to enjoy the vacation without guilty conscience?
Oh, I`m not planning to do nothing. In addition to do all the things I have to do, I`m planning to read a book (at least one), spend a lot of time outside, take nephew with me to a park for a whole day, have a Settlers of Cataan -marathon with P & M, buy a bicycle at last, eat more strawberries, have morning coffee in an outdoor cafe near me, just hang around and enjoy Helsinki at it`s best, and visit a couple of other places. Enjoy having no time table. And try not to worry about things that I`m not doing.
On another note, in the photo above is what I got from J, one of the really nice people at work. She`s the best. J is taking a year off school, in addition to selling shoes she makes replicas of period hats (for example, she seems to do A LOT of things - I feel such a slob compared to her). She even has her own super cute logo. And she`s one of the reasons I`d been glad to stay in my job were I not moving.
The brooch is made from old wellies (the center with the bear print is rubber), ribbons and light reflective ribbon*. I`ve admired J`s similar brooch many times, and now I got my own! I just love it. I think this will embellish my coat come autumn, but I`d really like to wear it with a chic dress for a party!
*I don`t know a correct English word - in Finland it`s commonly used e.g. in jogging suits and children`s outerwear; it allows the drivers see the pedestrians better in the dark. You know we have many dark winter months here!
A letter came on Monday which has changed a lot in my life in a minute. I was so surprised by it I began to cry (but they were tears of happiness and relief) because I was 100% sure the contents of the letter would be the exact opposite. But it`s true: I will begin my studies of English translation this autumn in the university of Tampere. I have to brag a bit: there were 245 taking the exam and only 18 got in - and one of them is me! This is really big for me. Like, really, really B.I.G. It will mean thatI`ll change my major, translation has nothing to do with my previous studies (which hasn`t been a success even though I was interested enough in them - but always felt like I was somehow inferior to other students).I`ll move from Helsinki to Tampere; I like the idea of living in Tampere but hate the idea of leaving Helsinki - the town where I have so many friends, my sister and nephew, and which I love just as a town. I get more than a little teary-eyed when I think about the fact.I told my boss I`ll quit my job. Only two weeks left. The job was nice enough but I didn`t feel good at that either, plus I`ve been in need of a vacation for a while. Now I have a good reason for quitting.I feel hopeful and excited about the future for a first time in years it seems, instead of feeling distressed hopeless and miserable (not to say my whole life has been miserable).I feel like I have a chance to find my way and be good at something for a change instead of feeling like a failure in pretty much everything (yes, I know it`s mostly in my head - but maybe that`s why it`s so hard to think otherwise).
Little by little I`ve gotten accustomed to the fact that I really am going to study translation and I`m going to move - quite soon, in fact - into another town. I`ve been spreading the news - I neglected to mention the exam to my family and all but one friend. I know it sounds strange, but I thought at the time I won`t get in anyway (I`m definitely not a glass half full -person) and I was a bit afraid of my parents`criticism. Though now I think what I´ve been interpreting as silent criticism on their part has been silent support and trust for me to make my own decisions, however long that might take. Realizing that is a huge deal.
(As a side note for anybody not familiar with Finnish universities, in Finland university students are at least 19-20 yrs old when beginning their studies. If I`d studied instead of wasting the best years of my youth as a shop assistant selling shoes, I might have my master`s degree now - being a B.A. or B-anything doesn`t really count in Finland. But even though I`m old for a first-year student, it`s not uncommon to work before or between the studies, and there`ll be students older than me starting this year. Also, as there`s no tuition to pay, changing your major and starting over doesn`t mean you`ll be up your neck in debt for the rest of your life.)In the photo one of the books that have made me love English: Zadie Smith`s On Beauty.
