Friday, April 23

spring fever

I'm restless. I know I should be working, but I can't concentrate. In anything: not in work, not in re-organizing my wardrobe, not in reading, or watching a movie from beginning to end on one go. I'm happy one day, miserable the next - or often both in 24 hours. I'm planning my future a year ahead, yet worried and undecided about things which will happen (or not) in the next few months. I want change, yet I hesitate - trying to decide whether "seizing the day" would be worth the trouble, or whether I should be sensible. I think: My life is boring, I want to change everything! Then I think: I like my life like it is. I have many plans but I'm not sure which I'd like to realize.

I thought I was too old for these feelings.

I blame the spring.

(This song is playing on loop inside my head. Not that it has anything to do with anything...)

(Tällä kertaa myös suomeksi, koska joihinkin asioihin vieras kieli ei taivu.)

Olen levoton. Pitäisi keskittyä töihin, mutta en osaa keskittyä; en töihin, en muuhun. En jaksa lukea pitkää aikaa, en järjestää vaatekaappia - se jää kesken, mikä on melkein vielä pahempaa kuin epäjärjestys - enkä katsoa elokuvaa alusta loppuun. Tunnen tänään olevani onnellinen, huomenna hirveän onneton, ja parhaassa tapauksessa molempia yhden ja saman päivän aikana. Suunnittelen innoissani asioita, jotka tapahtuvat ehkä vuoden kuluttua, ja samalla huolehdin niistä, joiden pitäisi tapahtua lähitulevaisuudessa - tai sitten ei, en osaa päättää. Haluan muutosta, ja kuitenkin epäröin: onko parempi tarttua hetkeen vai tehdä järkeviä päätöksiä, odottaa kärsivällisesti? Ajattelen, että elämäni on tylsää, ja haluan muuttaa kaiken. Sitten ajattelen, että elämäni on hyvää tällaisenaan. Minulla on liikaa suunnitelmia, enkä osaa päättää, mitä toteuttaisin.

Luulin olevani liian vanha tällaiseen.

Syytän kevättä.

Tämä biisi soi päässä.

Wednesday, April 21

last weekend in helsinki

I walked a lot. Both when it was sunny and when it was raining. The old familiar routes I've walked thousands and thousands of times. And new paths I haven't walked before. I took a walk almost every day. I love walking in Helsinki; traipsing the city streets, looking at all the nice buildings and the ugly buildings too. And shop windows - it's always nice to see a funny or pretty or clever window display. (Though these photos are very atypical Helsinki walk photos...)

Near the railway someone had created bunny art out of the fence & black plastic sacks. Maybe it's a political statement.

There was a good reason to buy two muffins instead of one. Buying two muffins feels special.

When sun was shining even the Boy's small, dark and dreary apartment felt roomier. In the window across the yard a white cat waved us hello.

All in all, a very good weekend.

Tuesday, April 20

joys and sorrows

Um, hello.

I've been away from a long time and hardly know how to write a blog post any more. I have no special reason for being quiet for so long - it's not that I've lsot interest to this space. I've just had a lot to do (or it felt that way, even though now I'm not sure if I have accomplished that much) and little to say. (I started writing a post several times, but never finished them.) I'd like to say I've been living rather than blogging, but really I've not done much of the former either - instead I've considered giving up my apartment as I seem to spend most of my time at the university anyway. If only they'd let me camp in some empty class room!

The year 2010 didn't start that well. My dear, brave sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in January - and even though I decided to believe in her getting better right from the start and save my tears for a time they might be needed, this has obviously affected all my family. I'm happy to say things are looking up - we're all keeping our fingers crossed...

But this year has brought joys as well. As spring has arrived, new babies are popping up everywhere. One of them is baby L, who arrived just two weeks ago. She is the daughter of A and M and the receiver of those booties in the top photo - which, according to the pattern, are the size 0-3 mo, and are ridiculously big for baby L's tiny feet! It's funny how you forget how small newborns are.

As you can see, L is small and perfect (like all the babies are - but she might be extra perfect), and has long fingers and toes just like her mama. I've known A for most of my life, so somehow seeing her baby feels even more special than usual, and I'm honoured to be L's oddmother (like godmother, you know, but without the God part).

Another little person was born on Saturday, when S & V had a son. Also, the Boy's youngest sister is due any day now - maybe more baby bootees are in order?