Sunrise today at 3:54. Sunset today at 22:50. Length of day is 18 h 56 min.*

I meant to take a photo of how light it is even here in Helsinki, which is in Southern Finland. (I have never been to Lapland this time of year, but plan to go some day.) But on Sunday I didn't have my camera with me. Yesterday I was too tired to go for a walk. And today I'm too busy. Sorry.

I can't help but feel somewhat anxious around this time every year. What, it's Midsummer already?? But the summer just began! Where did June go?

For a couple of days I'm filled with fear of summer slipping away before I notice and have time to enjoy it. And I have to say that the word Midsummer feels a bit depressing, because in Finland the summer really has only begun, and more often than not June is a cool month. So I have to remind myself that two-thirds of this summer is still ahead.

Finns tend to make a big fuss about the summer solstice - which is not so surprising considering the fact that six months ago we only had meager five hours of sunlight (or less, if you happen to live somewhere north of Helsinki); BBC describes the Finnish Midsummer more or less accurately here. I'm not going to try swimming across a lake, wasted or sober, but as most of the population in Helsinki, I'm heading out of the city tomorrow. Have a good weekend. I know I will.


*From the Finnish Meteorological Institute website

what's up

I seem to post on four month intervals now (even my sister asked if I'm ever going to blog again). Funny, but the less you blog the more difficult it gets. The longer the blog-break, the heavier the responsibility of writing something worth reading is - and I haven't felt like anything I have to say lately is worth reading, if I have anything to say at all. I haven't even read that many blogs, or at least not as many as I used to, and I have a feeling I've kind of dropped out of the Blogosphere. here...

However, here's a quick roundup

January and February were crazy-busy. Like so busy I thought after just one week of the spring semester I can't make it. I probably couldn't have made it through the semester, judging by how knackered I was after January...

...but suddenly it didn't matter, 'cause I got an internship in Helsinki, contrary to my own beliefs (I haven't dared to ask yet was it because I was the only applicant, or because I practically begged for them to take me).

So I moved myself and very few of my belongings to Helsinki in March and was once again quite tired from having to get accustomed to a nine-to-five job (the only good thing about being a student is I get to sleep in most mornings) and learn all kinds of new things. The boy kindly agreed to offer accommodation for the three month period...

...which suddenly changed into six months when I got another internship in Helsinki area. SIX MONTHS (that's half a year, people) in the Boy's one-room flat. Yay. Suffice to say that even though I consider myself lucky not having to rent a flat in Helsinki (I'm still paying rent for my room in Tampere), I would never have agreed to living six months with him in 33 square metres. I try to take it one day at a time and not think about the months still ahead, which has worked surprisingly well for me. As for the Boy, he still wants to officially move in with me in a year, and I guess if we survive these six months in one room, living together in a bigger space will be a breeze.

So. It's been a busy spring, even though I seem to have accomplished nothing. And suddenly summer is almost here. It's just behind the corner, and like every year, I'm panicking. Maybe it is because summer, though long awaited, always manages to sneak on us - before I realize it flowers are in bloom every year, leaves on trees are getting bigger by day, and for a breathless moment I'm afraid it's all going to end before I have time to enjoy it. The nights that are getting lighter and lighter, the first timid flowers and the endless singing of the birds - miracles in their own right. I fear it's all going to go as fast as it came, and I'm going to miss it...

new beginnings

In 2010, I was mostly silent in this space. I think it had something to do with the decision I made when I started this blog: I wasn't going to write about negative feelings. I didn't want to use this space for complaining - though I now see it might have something to do with my inability to voice my negative feelings in general, not just in my blog. But sometimes, like in the past year, this decision makes me mute.

It's not that 2010 was all bad, of course there were many good moments. But when you haven't been blogging for a while writing a post becomes harder and harder. You feel like you have nothing worth saying. And to be honest, I just didn't find the energy. 2010 was quite a strenuous year for me - maybe that's why I've lately felt like I need recharging.

My hippeastrum, bought a week before Christmas, opened nine flowers on it's two flower stems. I thought the third stem, a very short one, would never flower - but now it's budding. I hope something new is budding in me, too.

on sunday

Last week my mobile phone died. This week my laptop (hard disk failure), just after I said aloud "I wish it would last until I've graduated and have some money to spare". I have a feeling my camera (which isn't working too well anyway) will be the next! I find all this mostly funny*, if a tad tiresome. It's very inconvenient not having a working laptop, but luckily a substitute should be on it's way. Both my "new" phone and my "new" laptop are the Boy's hand-me-downs, so I guess I am lucky. (But he doesn't have a spare camera, so I really hope my camera will last a little bit longer!)

Besides, there are sunflowers on the kitchen table.


*I bet I wouldn't find it so funny if I had lost anything important. I don't think I did.

------------

Viime viikolla hajosi puhelin, tällä viikolla tietokone. Juuri, kun olin päässyt sanomasta "Kestäis nyt vielä siihen asti, että en ole enää köyhä opiskelija!". Naurattaa*, vaikka onhan tuosta oma vaivansa. Olen kuitenkin onnekas, saan korvaavat laitteet ilmaiseksi; käytetty kelpaa hyvin. Nyt toivon, että kamera ei ole seuraava, sille ei ole korviketta tiedossa.

Olen tuplaonnekas: keittiön pöydällä on auringonkukkia.


*Eipä varmaan naurattaisi, elleivät tärkeät asiat olisi tallessa.

it's the first of september and I miss the summer already

It was a sunny day. But the light is different, autumn light and I can't pretend it's summer anymore.


I walked through the streets I once knew, wistful, and for a while grieved for the summer - it went too fast (always does, in a way). September is one of my favourite months, but autumn? Now? I need more time to adjust!





But autumn won't give me more time, the change is in the air, I collected some signs of it. And I have to succumb.

cloudy with a chance of rain

I've been tidying up at home (should have done it earlier so I had had time to enjoy a tidy home), packing the last things on my list, even sewing a little. Spotify has played me Au revoir Simone and French versions of the songs from Snowwhite.





Drinking coffee too. In the afternoon I rewarded myself with an apple-and-cinnamon muffin for being so efficient.





And checking the volcanic ash map here. About 2,000 km from here someone is waiting for me to build a clock-tower with legos.


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Olen puuhaillut kotona: siivonnut, pakkaillut, ommellutkin vähän. Koti on kiva siistimpänä kuin aikoihin - sääli, etten ehdi nauttia siitä! Spotify on soittanut taustamusiikiksi Au revoir Simonea ja ranskankielisiä versioita Lumikki-elokuvan lauluista.


Olen myös juonut kahvia. Iltapäivällä sain muffinssin palkinnoksi siitä, että olin ollut niin ahkera.


Lisäksi olen tarkkaillut tuhkapilven liikkeitä näiden nettisivujen kautta. Noin 2000 kilometrin päässä minua odotetaan rakentamaan kellotornia legoista.

on mother's day

It rained most of the day - fine persistent drizzle which seemed never-ending. Waking up to the most miserable weather is easier to bear if you wake up next to someone, though (even if that means you wake up stiff because you haven't had enough space in your bed) and have time to eat a leisurely breakfast.

Mother's Day this year meant a dinner at the Boy's parents. There were only 13 of us, as only two of the Boy's three sisters were present. There is a total of 17 people in the Boy's immediate family; this feels like a lot of people, as my relatives can basically be counted on two hands (if I leave my cousins' kids out), and is sometimes a bit overwhelming. Though - like I might have mentioned before - I couldn't find a boyfriend with nicer sisters if I tried!

 
I seem to have shaken off the flu I caught last week when I was super stressed out. I've been doing things like cleaning my oven and organizing (somewhat) my wardrobe and writing and re-writing a packing list. I think version 6.0 is the last one.

story about a bad day

Yesterday was a bad day. I woke up with a sore throat. Nothing felt right - I would have just wanted to sleep the day off. The sky was grey and my spirits were low. The evening before I had been too long at the university, and too lazy to walk to the grocery shop, so I couldn't even have a cup of coffee to fortify me.





I had to run some errands, so I ordered myself a big cup of good coffee in one of my favourite cafés. Somehow, even when it's full, this café manages to exude a feeling of calm and peace. In there I feel like I'm in no hurry at all.




And who wouldn't feel better after enjoying a slice of their delicious mud cake under a rose-coloured lamp with strings of glass pearls? (I would never in a million years have a lamp like this at home - but it fits the cafés old-fashioned interior very well.)





Sadly, the cure was only temporary - today the sun has been shining, but I've felt even worse and have sat teary-eyed in front of my computer. But there will always be another day, and more cake!





---

Eilen oli paha päivä. Heräsin kurkku kipeänä, kaikki tuntui kurjalta ja olisin vain halunnut jäädä peiton alle ja nukkua mokoman päivän yli. Taivas oli yhtä harmaa kuin mieli, ja koska en ollut jaksanut edellisenä iltana kävellä myöhään auki olevaan kauppaan, en saanut edes vahvistavaa aamukahvia.

Koska kävelin muutenkin keskustaan hoitamaan asioita, määräsin itselleni ison kupillisen hyvää kahvia yhdessä lempikahviloistani. Kahvisalonki onnistuu aina henkimään rauhaa ja kiireettömyyttä, silloinkin kun siellä on täyttä. Ja kenen olo ei paranisi siitä, että syö palan herkullista mutakakkua? Varsinkin kun sen syö ruusunvärisen helmirimssulampun alla!

Kovin pitkäksi aikaa tuo lääke ei auttanut - tänään on ollut vielä huonompi päivä, vaikka aurinkokin paistaa. Onneksi tulee uusia päiviä, ja uusia kakkupaloja!

sunday

On Sunday we took a long walk, through a neighbourhood where every garden seemed to be blue with scillas, to a place where it feels like you're miles and miles from the city even though you're almost in the middle of it. It took us over three hours.

I grew up in a part of Finland where these white flowers, Anemone nemorosa, don't grow wild. Even though I've now lived ten years in Southern Finland, seeing them popping up in spring is nothing short of a miracle for me. Unbelievable.


----


Sunnuntaina teimme kolmen tunnin kävelyretken vähän niin kuin vahingossa. Vanhat pihat matkan varrella olivat sinisenään skilloja. Perillä tuntui siltä, että emme ole kaupungissa laisinkaan, ja säpsähdimme sitä, miten lähellä uutuuttaan hohtavien kerrostalojen rivit kaislikon toisella laidalla ovat.

Kasvoin paikassa, jossa valkovuokkoja kasvaa vain istutettuna pihoilla. Luulin aikuiseksi asti, että ne ovat Etelä-Suomessakin harvinaisia - ja vaikka kymmenen etelänvuoden jälkeen olen ymmärtänyt olleeni väärässä, ne tuntuvat silti ihmeiltä joka vuosi. Että ne noin vain kasvavat satamäärin, jossain ihan tavallisessa metsikössä, tai kapealla rakennuksien syrjään jääneellä kaistaleella.

vappu

I guess you've really become an adult when you celebrate Vappu, First of May, with plenty of eating instead of plenty of partying. That's what I did - and I much preferred it. This year I even skipped the May Day picnic.

The one tradition I very much want to keep alive is the First of May lunch (or perhaps lunner) at my sister's. This is something we started I guess the first year I lived in Helsinki, before she started dating J, my brother-in-law, and I think we've repeated it most years since. My sister is an amazing cook and I really miss cooking and eating together - another thing we used to do when living in a same city, first the two of us, then J came along and we all cooked together, and then when A was born my duty was to keep him happy while the others cooked (when I say "duty" I really mean "pleasure"). I miss all this so much it might be one of the main reasons why I want to move back to Helsinki when it's possible. I used to feel bad about it, but hey, if being with the people you love isn't a good reason for changing cities, then what is?




So this year we celebrated with the addition of the Boy. It felt extra special to have this little party with my sister this year, as she has been through a lot with her cancer in the past few months, most of which I can't even understand. It's times like this when you really remember to appreciate what you have - and I'm happy to see many May Day lunches in the future.




Sister had really outdone herself. We started with pink cava (courtesy of the Boy) or pear lemonade and cute asparagus pastries sister had made with A (A is taking after his parents and showing some serious interest in baking). Then we had my favourite, a wonderful spring salad with strawberries, walnuts, brie and avocado; lamb and fennel with honey sauce; and last but not least, a devil's food cake (my contribution to the meal) with mascarpone, quark and raspberry filling.





The cake was absolutely delicious although very rich and the five of us didn't manage to eat even half of it on one go. It didn't matter - the Boy and I took a chunk of it home with us, and I ate it for breakfast on both Sunday and Monday.

spring fever

I'm restless. I know I should be working, but I can't concentrate. In anything: not in work, not in re-organizing my wardrobe, not in reading, or watching a movie from beginning to end on one go. I'm happy one day, miserable the next - or often both in 24 hours. I'm planning my future a year ahead, yet worried and undecided about things which will happen (or not) in the next few months. I want change, yet I hesitate - trying to decide whether "seizing the day" would be worth the trouble, or whether I should be sensible. I think: My life is boring, I want to change everything! Then I think: I like my life like it is. I have many plans but I'm not sure which I'd like to realize.

I thought I was too old for these feelings.

I blame the spring.

(This song is playing on loop inside my head. Not that it has anything to do with anything...)







(Tällä kertaa myös suomeksi, koska joihinkin asioihin vieras kieli ei taivu.)

Olen levoton. Pitäisi keskittyä töihin, mutta en osaa keskittyä; en töihin, en muuhun. En jaksa lukea pitkää aikaa, en järjestää vaatekaappia - se jää kesken, mikä on melkein vielä pahempaa kuin epäjärjestys - enkä katsoa elokuvaa alusta loppuun. Tunnen tänään olevani onnellinen, huomenna hirveän onneton, ja parhaassa tapauksessa molempia yhden ja saman päivän aikana. Suunnittelen innoissani asioita, jotka tapahtuvat ehkä vuoden kuluttua, ja samalla huolehdin niistä, joiden pitäisi tapahtua lähitulevaisuudessa - tai sitten ei, en osaa päättää. Haluan muutosta, ja kuitenkin epäröin: onko parempi tarttua hetkeen vai tehdä järkeviä päätöksiä, odottaa kärsivällisesti? Ajattelen, että elämäni on tylsää, ja haluan muuttaa kaiken. Sitten ajattelen, että elämäni on hyvää tällaisenaan. Minulla on liikaa suunnitelmia, enkä osaa päättää, mitä toteuttaisin.

Luulin olevani liian vanha tällaiseen.

Syytän kevättä.


Tämä biisi soi päässä.

last weekend in helsinki

I walked a lot. Both when it was sunny and when it was raining. The old familiar routes I've walked thousands and thousands of times. And new paths I haven't walked before. I took a walk almost every day. I love walking in Helsinki; traipsing the city streets, looking at all the nice buildings and the ugly buildings too. And shop windows - it's always nice to see a funny or pretty or clever window display. (Though these photos are very atypical Helsinki walk photos...)

Near the railway someone had created bunny art out of the fence & black plastic sacks. Maybe it's a political statement.








There was a good reason to buy two muffins instead of one. Buying two muffins feels special.





When sun was shining even the Boy's small, dark and dreary apartment felt roomier. In the window across the yard a white cat waved us hello.





All in all, a very good weekend.

joys and sorrows

Um, hello.

I've been away from a long time and hardly know how to write a blog post any more. I have no special reason for being quiet for so long - it's not that I've lsot interest to this space. I've just had a lot to do (or it felt that way, even though now I'm not sure if I have accomplished that much) and little to say. (I started writing a post several times, but never finished them.) I'd like to say I've been living rather than blogging, but really I've not done much of the former either - instead I've considered giving up my apartment as I seem to spend most of my time at the university anyway. If only they'd let me camp in some empty class room!

The year 2010 didn't start that well. My dear, brave sister was diagnosed with breast cancer in January - and even though I decided to believe in her getting better right from the start and save my tears for a time they might be needed, this has obviously affected all my family. I'm happy to say things are looking up - we're all keeping our fingers crossed...





But this year has brought joys as well. As spring has arrived, new babies are popping up everywhere. One of them is baby L, who arrived just two weeks ago. She is the daughter of A and M and the receiver of those booties in the top photo - which, according to the pattern, are the size 0-3 mo, and are ridiculously big for baby L's tiny feet! It's funny how you forget how small newborns are.

As you can see, L is small and perfect (like all the babies are - but she might be extra perfect), and has long fingers and toes just like her mama. I've known A for most of my life, so somehow seeing her baby feels even more special than usual, and I'm honoured to be L's oddmother (like godmother, you know, but without the God part).





Another little person was born on Saturday, when S & V had a son. Also, the Boy's youngest sister is due any day now - maybe more baby bootees are in order?

christmas card workshop

My home has been a Christmas card workshop this past weekend.





As usual, the cards are not exactly how I imagined them, and some things didn't work like I'd hoped (eg. the silver of the snowflake smudges very easily, so I wonder if everyone is getting a smudged card from me), and I wanted the envelopes to be a different colour (but for once thought better of it and didn't check every shop possible for the right shade of white - yes, that's what I'm like sometimes).





But working on wee small hours (I've messed up my sleep - luckily there are no lectures anymore) paid off, and today I sent cards to all those peeps I won't be seeing before Christmas. All those envelopes stacked up were such a happy sight!






I also sent a little parcel to London; I wanted to send cookies, but that would've been expensive and the cookies probably wouldn't travel that well. I love those stickers I bought a while ago... I'd like to embellish every envelope with them!





In the envelope were piggy things: a dishcloth with a gingerbread pig and a Maileg Christmas decoration. I know I'm probably going to see S & D after Christmas, but mail is always lovely to send and receive, don't you think?

flea market finds

I haven't had much time for flea markets lately, but I made some good finds back in November. Or was it October?

I just had to rescue these children's books from 1950's - I get like that with books sometimes, if they look especially lonely.... The books once belonged to a boy called Martti Vuorinen. I think it's nice when the past owners have left some traces of themselves in old books.





Pupujussi Gulliver ("Gulliver Rabbit") is my favourite title.


Another great find was this cake lifter, which kind of matches the spoons I already have (they used to belong to my grandparents). It would also go well with the Focus de Luxe cutlery I'm dreaming about.

candlelight

I've been looking for a candelabrum for a few years - or more like hoping I would happen upon one which would suit both my taste and my wallet. I thought I'd like to have a traditional one, but most candelabras in stores/flea markets are either too fussy or too expensive (or both).

Now, if I had my way and not a million better ways to spend 70 euros, I'd buy the Gloria candelabrum designed for Muuto by Norway Says. I think it would look great with colourful candles, although I haven't decided if I'd like to have a black or a white Gloria.





I won't get my Gloria anytime soon, but luckily last month I found this 50s candelabrum at Pikkuvarpunen's flea market site. Long story short, I met Suki briefly in Helsinki, and now it's mine! It was a little tricky to find small enough candles, as I didn't want white, but now I guess a candlelight supper is in order.

cookies galore

Even though I don't really bake that often, baking is always a great way to relax for me (given that whatever I'm baking turns out ok - luckily I hardly ever have baking disasters ...knocking on wood here). I feel accomplished and content when I take something out of the oven and know it turned out just right. Beginning my Friday by taking dough (made last night) out of the freezer and baking four sheets of cookies before 1 p.m. made me feel extra accomplished, almost like I was some kind of domestic goddess à la Nigella (even if one glance toward my living/bedroom made that feeling disappear somewhat... I wonder if Nigella does all her cleaning?).





This time I baked another batch of Chewy Cholate Gingerbread Cookies from the previous post and also these cookies with dried cranberries instead of cherries. The reason for this baking frenzy (yes, for me baking two kinds of cookies at the same time is 'baking frenzy') is tomorrow's visit to the Boy's sister. One of the Boy's three sisters lives in Tampere, and whenever the Boy is coming to town, we try to visit K and her family. I'm giving the cookies as a little pre-Christmas present, and since there are three boys between three and eight in the family, I tried to choose cookies kids might like too (i.e. not use coffee and black pepper like I did last year). I have come realize I'll never find another boyfriend with sisters as nice as the Boy's, so I might be stuck with him...

I still have to work on an especially difficult and boring translation today, but I'm looking forward for a relaxing weekend and maybe a little more snow!